Wayne Rooney – Because He’s Worth It

Have you ever seen a film called ‘There’s Only One Jimmy Grimble’?

If you haven’t then:

1)     You should buy it on DVD, it’s most likely £3 online.

2)     The plot is about a boy who dreams of being a footballer and playing for Manchester City, which we shall ignore for the sake of this article, however he is not particularly good. This is until he is given a pair of old boots by a woman who lives in a derelict house (I’m selling it to you aren’t I?). When he wears the old boots he plays fantastically and leads his school football team to the cup final.

In the end it turns out that Jimmy Grimble does not actually need the boots to play well and he just believed they made him play better, when really he was good all along.

    So, the point I am coming round to is that maybe the news splashed across the tabloids that Wayne Rooney has visited a hair clinic and had a hair transplant may be the best bit of business United will do all Summer.

    Rooney has been a great player for United and for a long time the mention of his name will ring the memory of his fantastic overhead kick against City in my head. Rooney however is also very prone to dry spells in which everything just seems to go wrong for him. In these dry spells he spends his game losing the ball, missing good chances and getting angry at the two previous failings. The passion Rooney shows when on the pitch surely shows he is one player who does not deserve to fall victim to these shortcomings. During these patches he tries hard to get over them until the form and goals return and again he looks like a world class player.

   Whilst Jimmy Grimble had the lucky boots on his feet he did no wrong on the pitch and scored every match, there certainly seemed to be no dry spells. The theory I’m slowly coming round to, if you have not guessed it already, is that Rooney’s hair may do for him and United what Jimmy Grimble’s old boots did for him and his school team.

   Fans surely must be looking forward to Rooney emerging on to the Old Trafford pitch sporting his new barnet. However not only are all fans looking forward to seeing his new look, we should be excited for his performances with his new found hair growth. I am not saying, as ‘There’s Only One Jimmy Grimble’ initially suggests, that this change will be the cause of better playing (this is something for scientists to research, not me). I am also not ruling out this possibility. The other possibility is that the better playing of United’s star will, as actually happens in the film, come from the belief of his hair. Rooney may be spurred on in future matches purely by the feel of the wind rushing through his long, luscious locks as he runs down the flank.

    Barcelona and United’s English counterparts shall have to prepare for and fear the return of Manchester United next season as this time around they shall be armed with the potentially unstoppable force of Wayne Rooney’s hair.